Up and Down

I had been home for 4 months already. For the pass 4 months lot of things had happen and I have to accept all the things that come along. I not eassy for me specially the emotional part. Lot of time I feel like giving up but some how things just force me to move on. That's why Jonanthan keep telling me that when he look at my photo I seem to be souless.

In my mind, I'm still much confuss and distrub and my body seem to be weaker. I still feel like I am swimming in the stormy sea. Everyone expect me to be strong and be cool. But does they ever realize that I'm only human? I just hope that I can be stronger.I still miss him.

I hope that this coming Tuesday I can have a good performance in the studio. I really dun want to dissapoint Jonathan. Futher more I think I should improve my skill. I know is hard but nothing is easy anyway. Never try never know. I wish to see how far I can go in fornt of camera. Just wish myself all the best.

For the pass few weeks I had been flighting against the "current". I just trying to arrange lot of activities as much as I can to make myself busy and tired so that I can sleep at night.

One thing I happy about myself is I had cut my hair. Now is really short. I love it. I look younger, more tidy and refreshing. Cutting my hair is the biggest change which I ever allow myself to go though. My long hair is my glory for the pass. But I find myself look better and feel better with short hair. I give myself a hug and thank you that give me a change to cut my hair.
I can't wait to see myself in picture.